As I’m almost forced to program in Java again, here’s the joke:

At the beginning, there were no computers, only machines.

The machines existed, but the logic was limited.

Man harnessed electricity and transformed it into digital signals capable of transporting information.

Everything was null, just 0 bits.

Then came the 1 bits.

Logic emerged.

But the 0 and 1 bits were alone, and the byte was created to group them together.

Bits and bytes without names roamed the machines, unsure of what to do. The machines were still created for a specific purpose, and the logic was encoded in the material. The first systems emerged.

The programmer was then created, and he was given the responsibility of organizing bits and bytes. Chaos ensued.

But the programmer was alone, so he created languages and compilers to accompany him. The system sent messages saying that this was dangerous, and now millions of bits and bytes would have to be used to do the simplest things. The message was ignored, and thus the bug emerged.

The programmer continued to proliferate code written in multiple languages. When he invented C, the system sent a new message saying it was enough, and the programmer should be content with bits, bytes, and pointers, all happy in RAM.

C was good, and it was used to create UNIX.

Satan, jealous, created Windows to torment the programmer throughout his existence.

New programs were created from these basic principles between software and hardware universes. One day, the programmer betrayed the system and created jAdao and jEva, writing them in a banned dialect of C++ on the island of Java. The system then punished jAdao and jEva for accumulating so many bits and bytes that they used up all the memory of the system and banished them to Java saying:

You will use the dialect in your daily life. You will forget what a bit is. You will use a slow IDE. You will see everything through this code that will not know limits of size, performance or coherence. You will never touch a pointer again. Your descendants will not use properties, and all programmers will have to write getters and setters for the rest of their days. Your code will only understand XML and produce indecipherable logs. You will be tormented by snakes and other precious stones that will not suffer these evils, they will be smaller and more agile but still slower.

Your classes will proliferate and dominate the world. This dialect will be portable and accompany you on all machines you use, always asking to do an update.